Santa's secrets
 

By GWENDOLYN DRISCOLL
THE ORANGE COUNTY REGISTER

San Dimas, (CA) -  Do you believe in Santa Claus? Stop reading.

To read further is to uncover the shocking truth of steel-toed boots and snow-white hair dye, rub-on rouge and grown men who sleep in hair curlers.

It is to know the difference between a "naturally endowed" or "strap-on" Santa. (Stay calm! We're talking bellies, here.)

It is to be able to spot a soggy diaper from 50 feet - and understand the peril it poses to Santa's velvet-clad knees.

Old Saint Nick may be a jolly fellow, with rosy cheeks and a magical ability to squeeze down chimneys, but he's still a man at the end of the day, with a man's pressing concerns: Makeup. Hairdo. How to get soot out of fur-trimmed cuffs.

Such trade secrets are part and Christmas-parcel of being a professional Santa, something a half-dozen Orange County men discovered at a workshop designed to instruct aspiring Kriss Kringles in the art - and artifice - of all-things Claus.

The workshop leader is Tim Connaghan, 57, one of the nation's leading Santa Claus impersonators. The Hollywood parade, television commercials and even Dr. Phil have all featured his beaming face, custom-made red velvet get-up, and authentic, frosty-white whiskers.

He's also the Southern California sales and marketing director of Santa Ana-based Red Roof Inns and, as such, a marketing pro who has made the business of Santa hisbusiness.

Inside a Red Roof Inn conference room this week, Connaghan taught 27 aspiring Southern California Santas - mostly bearded, somewhat portly men of a certain age, the majority dressed in shrieking shades of red and green casual wear.

Connaghan himself stands before the class in a candy-cane striped red and white shirt, red trousers, and silver-glitter belt buckle that - just in case it wasn't clear - spells the magic word: SANTA.

The session is one of eight "International University of Santa Claus" seminars he will hold across the country during the summer - or "low season," as Connaghan calls it.

In November and December, Connaghan is too busy being The Man - so busy, in fact, that his employer gives him both months off.

"There are a lot of people who think they can become Santa just by being a big guy and having a white beard," Connaghan tells his rapt audience. "It takes more than just that. Part of it is in the heart."

Part of it is also in the marketing.

In his seminar and booklet - "Behind the Red Suit" - Connaghan walks his students through the surprisingly strenuous world of professional Santadom.

Want to prevent your toes from being squashed by eager, stampeding little feet? Invest in a pair of steel-toed Santa boots.

Anxious to protect other, er, sensitive parts from squirmy elbows and knees? Professional hockey players wear a cup - Santa should too.

Prepare yourself as well for a significant cash investment. Today's custom-made Kriss Kringle costumes are trimmed with real fur and can cost up to $1,500. (Connaghan recommends buying two - one to wear while the other is at the dry cleaners.)

On one of his many Web sites devoted to his favorite holiday, Connaghan hawks a red and green Santa chair that rolls and has a seat set low enough for little people to easily clamber into his lap. Total cost? A not-immodest $400. (Hurry! Prices go up in October!).

Connaghan also runs a Web-based booking service for his "Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santa Clauses," a social group and booking service of 579 authentically-maned Santas - 51 in Orange County - who can fetch up to twice the pay of the lowly fake-bearded.

Fake-bearded Santa are paid $35 to $45 an hour at parties, while real- bearded Santas can make $75 or more, Connaghan said. And while most "real bearded" Santas don the red suit more for fun than for money, a handful of commercially successful Santas - the Macy's Parade Santa, the Victoria's Secret Santa - can haul away $30,000 or more in their tinsel-covered sleighs.

Ho ho ho!

"Real beards are becoming more and more of a big thing," Connaghan says. "Because kids are becoming more alert about everything. They can spot special effects, things that are hokey."

Connaghan's Santa-booking service inspired the training sessions - an effort to inculcate professional standards in the "gentlemen," as members call each other.

His seminar is one of a number offered to wannabe Santas across the country by companies such as Colorado Springs, Colo.-based Naturally Santa Inc. and the Midland, Mich.- based Charles W. Howard Santa School.

Santa's reputation - not just his ability to shake like a bowl full of jelly - is at stake in such trainings.

In the unfortunate age of "Megan's Law," Connaghan recommends all his students get a criminal-background check to reassure nervous parents and employers.

Also recommended is liability insurance, such as the $3 million Clowns of America policy Connaghan carries.

Other safety tips: Santa's white- gloved hands should be visible at all times in photographs, children should be handled by parents or helpers, and Santa's red posterior should stay seated at parties unless otherwise instructed by his host or employer.

"It mitigates some liabilities," Connaghan explains tactfully.

Santa also must protect himself from more immediate perils.

"These new diapers – have you seen how much they hold?" Connaghan asks.

To keep Santa's knees dry, Connaghan recommends studying each child before it lands on Santa's lap. How to spot the wet diaper?

"The parent is holding it away from their body as they present it," Connaghan says.

Santa must also deflate expectations about what he can - and cannot - bring down the chimney.

"You never make promises (to children)," Connaghan advises his students. "A lot of kids ask for a pet, which the parent might not want. So I tell them 'usually, they're not potty- trained - it might end up being a bit uncomfortable in the sleigh.' That usually works."

Listening attentively is "Santa" Patrick Barnes of Sunset Beach. A load master for America West Airlines and holiday-season Santa for Montebello Town Center mall, Barnes maintains his long, white ringlets by sleeping in pink sponge hair curlers.

His path to the North Pole was initially rocky. The first child ever to sit in his lap promptly shrieked.

"I looked at (my girlfriend) and said: 'Did I do the right thing?' " Barnes recalls.

Seven years later, he has the answer.

"(Being Santa) does something to your heart and soul," Barnes says. "The smiles from the kids - it's just amazing."

Shhh. That's the real trade secret.Copyright 2005 The Orange County Register

Copyright 2005 The Orange County Register

Also published - Fort Wayne, IN, News Sentinel

CONTACT US: (714) 796-7722 or gdriscoll@ocregister.com

OFF THE CUFF: Tim Connaghan, left, talks with another Santa during a break in his University of Santa Claus class.

Mark Rightmire, The Orange County Register

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TRADE SECRETS: University of Santa Claus students listen to Tim Connaghan explain the ins and outs, ups and downs, and finer points of taking on the holiday persona.

Mark Rightmire, The Orange County Register

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HIS SLEIGH in storage, Santa Tim's shiny silver truck sports a personalized California license plate proclaiming a special message to all who follow him.

Mark Rightmire, The Orange County Register

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